WELCOME TO WANDERING AND WONDERING

Who am I???

That was the unexpected question I began asking myself last year in 2021. The answers coming in were unusually hard to accept. Layers of familiar identity were peeling away and revealing a rawness I had buried in my years of living and surviving daily life. Each new layer compelled me to dig deeper and face a mirror I had never truly looked into before. All the time I thought I knew myself well.

Was it the first time I had ever asked myself this question? No. To be fair, I am not the same person I was in my twenties. The questions I’m faced with today wouldn’t have made sense to me back then. This time at age 54, it hit me with such force, I knew I didn’t want to live the next 5, 10, 20 years repeating the same behavior patterns of the last 30 years.

I no longer wanted to be triggered so easily by someone else’s actions, or live with the endless disappointment by having certain expectations of others, nor live in fear of losing something or someone I might be attached to. All the things we do unconsciously as an effect of childhood fears and trauma, societal conditioning, and adaptive behavior to fit in. Everything tied into all of our relationships at home and work.

As a result, I felt compelled to take action and found myself shifting my life in a big way. I left a 22-year career in the motion picture business at Lionsgate, no longer satisfied with my role there. I set out to search for that authentic part of myself I longed to be reacquainted with. The Hollywood lifestyle has a way of smothering our true selves and I was no different. But this was also beyond Hollywood, having its roots at an early age like many of us and I needed to understand why.

My role at the studio was mainly focused on intense technical and administrative responsibilities. Most of my time was spent in dark, cold, loud screening rooms around the world. However, anyone in this business must also navigate the complex world of egos that dominate the landscape. This is an inescapable and expected part of the business.

I was a translator of sorts, making sure the engineers understood the needs and expectations of the creative crew, and that the creatives and executives understood the capabilities and limitations of the engineers and venues. I often found myself playing a game of ‘chess’ with everyone to keep the peace for the most ideal end result…and that’s where inauthenticity sneaks in.

Creatively, my only outlet was through photography and writing. I have been using a camera for as long as I can remember, although it was only in the last few years that I rediscovered my passion for photography. I also reconnected with my love of writing and started posting some of my storytelling on Instagram.

With an uncertain future ahead of me, I packed everything I owned into long-term storage and said goodbye to Los Angeles. I left with a backpack and my camera, embarking on a solo journey around the world. It began with a one-way ticket to Bali to attend a two-week yoga teacher training course. Beyond that, I allowed myself to tap back into my instincts to see where it led me.

I was no longer bound by the playbook of an industry, a corporation, or even the unspoken rules of my social network. I was free to flow again. I wasn’t sure where that river would lead me, but that’s what made it exciting. My future was unwritten and I was going to redefine it.

Since I had begun in Indonesia, I was able to explore neighboring lands I had never seen before. Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia and Nepal. They seemed like an exciting challenge in the unbearable heat of Summer. That was just the beginning.

I will be writing stories covering those inner and outer explorations of the last few years. My Wanderings & Wonderings. A less linear format will be more interesting to me, rather than an account-by-account description of my travels. So I’ll allow the ‘flow’ to lead me on to what’s next to explore and share that with you.

Who am I?

I am known as Timothy.

A name given to me by my parents as a newborn without my consent. What else was given to me over my lifetime that I unknowingly accepted?

Its very nice to meet you.

Who are you?

Are you certain that’s who you really are?

Something to consider…if we don’t really know who we are on a deep, authentic level, how can we truly know our place in this world?

As I dip into my photography and share my stories, maybe we can explore this together. In bits and pieces, layer by layer, and figure it all out.

Thank you for being curious, and wandering and wondering with me.

“Timothy”

Timothy Scott Ralston